Possessiveness and Dependency
Close personal relationships offer some of the biggest challenges to our ability to sustain peace and positivity. This is connected with the fact that family intimacy, while capable of being a source of inspiration and joy, can also bring about possessiveness and dependency. These are widespread diseases of the spirit in today's world, but can be cured by meditation.
A tell-tale symptom of these diseases is lack of courtesy. Our nearest and dearest become victims of behaviours which we would not dream of showing towards people with whom we are less familiar. It's not just a question of manners, but of respect.
So often, a hierarchy of relationships becomes established in which, for example, the father takes it for granted that he will be listened to by the mother - or vice versa. Or an older brother orders around a younger family member, not giving the sibling space in which to speak his or her own mind. Once established, these patterns tend to be carried with us through life, so that even when we have left the original family setting, we bring the same tendencies into our new relationships.
Meditation brings a very different element into the picture. As I become aware of myself as an eternal soul, an actor on the stage of the world, the realization grows that the role I am playing with others now is only one part of the whole.
I don't know where I was before I took this birth, nor where I will be afterwards. The same is true for those with whom I am close. I do have a particular responsibility towards them whilst we are playing our parts together, but this only lasts a short time within eternity. As husband and wife, for example, each has a particular role today, but who knows about yesterday or tomorrow?
In meditation, I stabilize in the consciousness that I am an eternal soul, and that all human beings are souls, members of a huge, all-embracing family. Roles will change, but as souls, we are brothers - we have no other relationship. When I bring this consciousness into family life, it provides a positive and secure foundation for everyday interactions. Renewing the awareness of eternal truths protects against limited feelings of 'my' husband, 'my' wife, 'my' son, and so on, where such feelings signify possessiveness and a desire to control, rather than family unity and loyalty.
I still have my own unique role to play. But misunderstanding and suffering are reduced when the part in me that tries to control others, or that abandons control to others, is left behind. Both of these are essentially negative behaviours, born of insecurity, not true responsibility or love.
By knowing myself as a soul in relationship with the Supreme, my self-respect returns. There is an inner detachment, and the feeling that here on the stage, I, the soul, am alone - it is just a role that I play here with others. From this strong vantage-point, I'll no longer feel a need to manipulate others, but instead will bring pure feelings of genuine love and appreciation into my relationships